Adoption Hospital Birth Plan

As you know there’s a little baby girl coming soon.. which is craaaaazy!! I am sleeping so light right now checking my phone at every noise.

A few weeks ago we started talking about the hospital and realized that there’s SO much information available out there for birth plans.. but specifically related to adoption there’s not a lot of information… but there are TONS of questions! As prospective adoptive parents we don’t want to step on any toes, and be more of a support system rather than a parent in the hospital.. and truthfully we feel like one big family. We are certainly just thankful for the opportunity to be involved, so we wanted to fully respect Savannah’s wishes with how she saw the hospital going.

Sometimes in this process there can be uncomfortable conversations — but it’s better to ask the harder questions than to have hard feelings on questions not asked when assumptions are made. Not only for those who are living the situation, but during a birth there are lots of doctors and nurses coming in and out that likely need to know this information as well and having a quick 2-page document can really help everyone be on the same page so it’s less stress for all involved.

If you find yourself needing an adoption hospital birth plan or you are a support person to someone in this situation, you can refer to this template, and I hope it helps you as much as it has helped us!

To the hospital staff:
I, _______________________________ have filled out the following adoption pan and would like it to be followed while I am in the hospital (understanding my feelings or plans could change). Please place this in my chart so that all shifts may read it and know my wishes.

I am planning this type of adoption:
Open: Both Parties share all personal information
Closed: No personal information is shared

The adoptive parents will/will not be coming to the hospital.
If yes, the adoptive parents names are: _________________________________________________

My main support person(s) names: _________________________________________________

There are people I do not want allowed to visit while in the hospital. If YES, I request myself and baby to be listed under an alias name. YES/NO.

Names of people I would like in the delivery room ______________________________________

For pain control/positioning during labor and birth I would like to:
Walk in room/hall
Use shower/tub
Use heat/cold massage
Use birth ball
Epidural
Listen to my special music
Use my own pillow

Immediately after delivery
I want this person to cut the cord if approved by doctor ___________________

In addition to the ID band I will be wearing, I would like this person to have a second baby ID band __________________________

I want to see my baby YES or NO
If yes,
Skin to skin / Rooming in
-If baby is stable place skin to skin with me
-If baby is stable, have baby placed skin to skin with adoptive present parent
-Keep the baby in my room as long as he/she is stable
-Keep baby in nursery and out to me when I call
-Keep baby with adoptive family

I want to hold my baby YES or NO
If yes, who would you like to hold the baby first? _______________
-Wrap baby in blanket before holding
-Hand baby to adoptive parent
-Bathe my baby before holding

I want to feed and/or care for my baby while in the hospital YES or NO

I would like my baby to be fed this way:
-Breastfeed my baby
-Use hospital formula
-Have adoptive mother breastfeed
-Use human breastmilk

The postpartum plan
If the adoptive parents will be at the hospital I wish to see them in my room or another location if possible:
_______ My Room _______Another location if possible. ______No Contact

The name I want you to call my baby is: ______________________
Or the name the adoptive family is giving:________________________

Postpartum I would like to:
_____Keep baby in my room
_____Have baby stay in the nursery
_____Have my baby come to my room only when I call
_____Allow adoptive parents to have alone time with the baby
_____Allow the adoptive parents to be given the opportunity to do skin-to-skin with the baby to facilitate bonding
_____Keep baby with the adoptive parents when not with me

I want my baby to receive the Hep B vaccine YES or NO

If I have a boy, I am planning on having him circumcised before discharge YES or NO

I wish to have mementos from my baby’s birth YES or NO
___Baby Bracelet
___Hospital birth certificate with footprints
___Nursery card
___Baby Hat
- Is it okay to give a copy of above documents to adoptive parents YES or NO

Additional concerns or wishes I would like the hospital staff to be aware of:

Preparing for a baby girl | Adoption

The past few months have been very interesting in the Garrison household! And the picture is a peek at the nursery, I’ll share more when it’s done!

We have three boys (now 8, 7, and 4) but have been preparing for a little girl (but when we started we didn’t know if the baby was a he or she!) to come into our family via adoption, and now we are weeks away. And it seems SO surreal to be SO CLOSE. There have been lots of hours of classes, paperwork, and I have SO many thoughts on this whole process but those will come at a later date. I have been super fortunate to be able to go to every single doctors appointment and hear her heartbeat, see the ultrasounds (even got to take the pictures home!)

I have had lots of people reach out because they see us going through this and it’s something they have also thought about and want general information so I figured i’d compile some of our questions in one post. I think it is very accurate to say the sheer emotional side to adoption, there’s just not a blog that can prepare you for that. So if you’re fortunate enough to have months of preparation like we have, know that some of those days will be longggg. There are so many things that you cannot control and you have to check that at the door and all you can do is know that everything happens for a reason and it will turn out the the way it is supposed to. I actually have this on my bathroom mirror, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him” — We felt CALLED to this, but it wasn’t exactly what we had originally thought it was going to be.

You see, we were thinking we were going to foster. And we ideally picked out the 3-5 age range so maybe we could sleep at night (ha! Jokes on us!) It’s something I’ve had on my heart for years, and knowing that that could lead to adoption seemed like the right path for us. I’ve watched friends and internet buds go through the process so I thought I had an idea of how it all worked. Literally within an hour of throwing this into the universe and speaking it to a friend we were past the point of fostering and talking adoption. And within days we were connected to Savannah having hour long chats about the future. I know a lot of families that wait years and years to be able to adopt a newborn so I struggled with the fact that some people might think that we just bypassed the line and be upset that “our story” didn’t have turmoil, infertility, lots of darkness, but that’s super silly right? Who would be mad at this? It truly is what we call a “God thing.” The moment we said YES, there was already a need, it seems as though this is the way it was meant to be all along. If we hadn’t said YES then.. I couldn’t imagine where we would be now.

We didn’t know when we started this if the baby was a boy or girl, but I think we ALL were keeping our fingers crossed for pink— and we were so excited to find out that YES! It is a girl! There’s so many little signs that we weren’t done after Brennan, most specifically that my heart never felt like it was over, that there was another piece to the puzzle. I had purchased very specific things with the belief that God would specifically give me a girl of my own — and after three boys I assumed maybe it was for a granddaughter or a friend.. or maybe I was completely crazy and I should just donate these items- but I could never bring myself to do that, so they just sat in the closet and waited.

The questions that we have gotten that I am sure you are curious about too:

What type of adoption is it? There are so many different types of adoption out there, but ours is a private placement domestic open adoption.

How did you get connected? Through my best friend!

What does open adoption mean? Open adoption is when you have communication with the first family after court. It’s the only type of adoption our agency does, and I respect that!

Do you have to do anything special to adopt? In Virginia, we did have to complete a home study through an adoption agency and cross our T’s and dot our I’s and do all of the classes required (and LOTS and LOTS of paperwork!) just as if we were going through the adoption agency to adopt. You also need a lawyer!

So… there’s a cost? There is. This is a legal process and there are costs involved. We aren’t buying a baby (even if sometimes it feels like that, truthfully) you are paying people to do a legal job and that has a cost. It will just depend on the state and what’s required.

Differences between private placement and going through an agency? I LOVE the connection and direct link that we have to Savannah, and I think God knew we both needed that - a piece of family to go through this together- rather than having someone in the middle. We’ve been able to talk through hard things and plan for the future together.

Will you stay connected? Yes! She will have lots of love from her mamas + aunt/uncle/sister/cousins.

Wait. You said mamas with an “s”? I know some people get a little squirmy when I talk about this, like I should feel threatened by the presence of the mama who gave her life, but I don’t. I cannot (also would not) change that I didn’t get to birth her so it’s not something that will be hidden. Love makes a family, and in a world where there is so many types of families I know she will be loved by lots..and yes she will have two mamas. I actually joked with David that we should have acquired our entire family this way.. I don’t have to get fat or poop on myself in order to have a baby? Sign me up! ;)

But, this isn’t a done deal is it? Of course she isn’t officially “ours” until court, but I really hate labeling in general. Just as I have many titles: wife, mom, photographer, friend, PTO President, but yet I am not defined by just one of those things, she will be fully “ours” but her story will be unique and special and will also be “ours” to someone else, and that’s totally fine!

What do the boys think? We have been very open and honest with them through the beginning and I know that was hard for our families at first “incase something happened” — but just as if I were pregnant and something happened to the pregnancy, we would talk about it and work through it together. I don’t think I would have been able to keep any of this a secret and spring it on them that they’re getting a sister when we bring her home from the hospital.

Biggest tip on private placement or adoption in general? This isn’t MY pregnancy. And it’s not even MY baby right now. Of course it’s okay to dream and plan and prepare, but this is HER pregnancy and although I have hopes, dreams, and wishes — she has decisions that no matter the outcome I have to respect because they’re hers alone to make. I want to be an added source of support not anything else. If you treat her as if you would a best friend going through a pregnancy, I think you will find it comes naturally as love and not a competition. I love this baby and I love her mama, and I think together the three of us will have something special!